National Security Agency Intercepts Phone Calls between Osama bin Ladin and DNC Chairman Howard Dean.
The National Security Agency intercepted long distance phone calls from Democratic National Committee chairman Howard Dean to an untraceable phone in Afghanistan. The voice on the phone appeared to be Osama bin Ladin. In the call, Howard Dean, chairman of the Democratic National Committee, pleaded with bin Ladin not to stage any attacks during the Democratic National Convention in 2008, saying that such an attack would help the Republicans win the White House—again. “I plead with you, bin Ladin, if you are going to stage an attack, please do so when it will have the maximum possible damage to the Republicans, not us,” Howard Dean was heard saying on taped transcripts leaked to the national press corps.
This was not the first time Democrats have justified attacks on innocent Americans. After September 11, for instance, Michael Moore, intellectual scholar of the left in America, was overheard saying that the attack was absurd because, well, New York City voted for Gore. (Mr. Moore was unable to grasp that terrorists hate Republicans and Democrats equally).
Later that day Howard Dean protested President Bush’s once secret NSA wire tap program, saying that these secret wire tap programs unjustifiably interfere with the rights of Americans to have well-informed discussions with terrorists such as Osama bin Ladin. “How can a decent citizen hope to be able to make contact with such individuals if the government is listening in? This is big brother! Plus, well, I am sure that there are some good citizens who have some good reasons for speaking with a terrorist. I can’t think of one at the moment, though. Yeahhhhh!”
Meanwhile, President Bush’s advisors told him that releasing Howard Dean’s transcripts with Osama bin Ladin would be unwise since Democrats would scream foul and claim that this is an underground right-wing coup against the leader of the Democratic National Committee. Bush accepted the advice of his counselor and decided not to release such transcripts. “I’m sick of hearing the Democrats complain when I do the right thing. I still have the ringing sound of Nancy Pelosi saying “tax cuts for the rich” every time I’m trying to fall asleep,” Bush said.
(The following was satire).